Fear of the WORL[or]D
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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted (I just looked – it’s been over a year).
There are a few reasons why I haven’t written in so long – It seemed like podcasts were on the rise (Modern Day Disciples anyone?), so does anyone really read blogs consistently anymore?
Although I wasn’t working, I tried to step it up at doing far more than I used to and to be present even when my wife wasn’t working (instead of running of for me time), so that by the time I did have free time, the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and think and write (basically laziness).
But the biggest reason I didn’t post was because of fear. Over the last couple years, the world has gotten into some serious tension. It seemed like everyone had an opinion, but that opinion wasn’t just their opinion, it was their truth. And the world got more divisive than I ever remember it being – not between this country and that country, but between people within a community.
I used to enjoy going on social media and seeing what people were up to, but it seemed like everyone was posting with so much negativity and nastiness. People weren’t trying to just share their thoughts – they were trying to offend others with how they shared it. But even if they weren’t trying to be offensive, people took offense to it and made sure the other person knew. Not only did people seem to not care what other people who disagreed with them think, but it became where people seemed to not care about other people who disagreed with them.
So I’ve stopped using social media as much, and I believe I’m better off for it. Although I miss seeing what people have been up to, I just didn’t need to see so many people I cared about bashing each other.
So, I didn’t write or post anything because I was afraid if I did, that people I knew would hate me, or reject me, instead of just disagreeing with me but respecting my opinion. Even while I am writing this now, I’m feeling anxious.
I know I shouldn’t live like that – that my fear should be of the Lord and not of the world (now does the title make sense?), but it’s so hard because God loves me unconditionally while pretty much everybody else doesn’t.
I’ve come to realize how much I desire to be desired – how much I focused on wanting to be accepted, wanted, loved.
But then anytime I thought about posting anything other than pictures of my beautiful family, I was afraid that someone would be offended and I didn’t want to deal with that backlash or having to justify myself. And it wouldn’t even be about anything serious – but I just felt a lot of anxiety over wanting to post anything…so I didn’t.
But here I am, writing again. Maybe it’s because things don’t seem as volatile as before. Maybe it’s because I’m starting to care more about what God thinks than what others think (keyword: starting). A big part of me is also trying to figure out if this is something I should pick up again or focus elsewhere.
It is a pleasure to see you coming back to life! As far as I see many of your readers love the way you put your ideas on paper. It seems you stopped writing because you were afraid of hurting others’ feelings or losing friends. That is not a good reason. you may lose some but you gain others. Your intention should be to enlighten others or make others happy , or just for the fun of making your readers think or laugh! Most of your readers don’t know the meaning of your name! Deepu (deepum) means light. So keep up shining your light and using your God given talent to put your ideas on paper so that people like me won’t be left in the dark not knowing the real light, Jesus!