Helicopter Father
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When our first child was old enough to start climbing things (far too soon in my opinion), my wife did some research into different styles of parenting. She found two types of parenting – American and European.
American style is basically telling kids not to climb things and pulling them off of them, mostly because the parent was uncomfortable or scared of their child falling, getting hurt, crying, bleeding… basically dying (this is the style I naturally lean towards).
European style is basically letting kids climb if they think they can, but being there to catch them if they do fall. This is the style that best matched how Beth wanted to parent, which means it’s the style that I wanted also.
So when I was out with our oldest and he was climbing something at the playground for the first time, I was all over it. He wanted to climb, I was uncomfortable with it, but I let him.
And then he slipped and fell.
And I was not there to catch him.
Because I forgot that last part of that style where you’re spotting your child to catch them if they fall.
Don’t worry, he was fine (from what I remember at least…he seems fine now anyway). And he still climbs all kinds of stuff.
And I still get nervous.
I don’t want my kids to get hurt. I want to keep them from falling and getting cuts, scrapes, and bruises. I don’t want them to bleed or scream in pain.
But as most of us know, sometimes you don’t learn unless you try. And sometimes you don’t learn unless you fail. So I’ll warn my kids to be careful when they’re climbing something new, or going higher than I think they should. Sometimes I do tell them not to climb something, but that’s usually because I am not able to spot them (see, I can learn).
My kids still fall and get hurt, and sometimes they pick themselves up and keep going, or they scream and cry and either come running to me or wait for me to come to them. They don’t blame me for their pain. They don’t wonder why I allowed them to get hurt, why I allowed them to fail.
But we do that with God. A lot.
One of the biggest reasons most of us hear of why people don’t believe in God anymore, or why they struggle to believe, is because something bad happened to them, or someone they know. Someone died. Someone got sick. Someone is suffering. Right now a lot of people are suffering. The world is suffering.
We want to have the freedom to make whatever choice we want, yet we complain to God when our choices lead to pain.
When things are going well, we want God to be the kind of God He is – that lets us make our own choices.
When things aren’t going well, we blame God – sometimes for not keeping us from making those choices, but most of the time for not preventing the negative consequences to those choices.
God doesn’t want us to suffer, just like I don’t want my kids to suffer. I can’t control everything my kids do or think, and God won’t control everything we do or think. So sometimes we get hurt. Sometimes we suffer.
What we really need to remember is that God was, is, and always will be there for us when we fall. Just because we fall doesn’t mean God doesn’t love us or that God doesn’t exist. He does and He does.
God could keep us from ever feeling pain, but that would mean He’d have to keep us from climbing, and that’s just not the kind of Father He is.
It makes so much sense that Beth researched this! I’ve loved seeing and being surprised at how much they are capable of (at such a young age) when you allow them to climb!